It’s the Little Things that Lift You Up or Level You Completely

I have to apologize for such a long drought in my writing.  It’s not that I haven’t tried to write but that I haven’t been able to form a focused, complete piece.  Partly, it was a summer with a house full of children but it’s also about the fullness of my own head.  I’ve spent a lot of time worried and angry and, since I am not as funny as Lewis Black, the pieces weren’t worthy of saving.  In all honesty, today’s post isn’t the encouraging, useful post I want it to be either.  It is, however, what I need to put out there. Continue reading

Hold On, Pain Ends

Today is Wishful Wednesday and that means that I’ve been sitting here thinking of wishes, listening to my heart.  What’s on my heart today is the struggle we all face as Modified Mamas.  The struggle to be the same people we were before our kids were diagnosed.  That struggle, that pulling at your very being, is so damaging to our psyches.  Most people don’t get it, they don’t understand what it’s like to be us.  But I do.  I know what you’re going through.  I’m there with you.   Continue reading

May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose: Not YOURS, I love You!

Do y’all know this song?  It was kind of a staple of my childhood but I don’t know if everyone is graced with it’s brilliance or if it’s just an Appalachian thing.  It’s kind of the perfect song to express the sentiment that, “You kinda pissed me off and, (while I don’t want any actual harm to befall you,) it wouldn’t eat my shorts if you had a bad day.”  There is a particular set of people to whom I officially dedicate this song today.  Those people inspired today’s slightly snarky post because I’ve been serious several days in a row and, frankly, I’m all serioused out! Continue reading

Wishing for Talking

There are days when I wish more than anything that my son could talk.  He is 10 years old and is non-verbal.  I know I’m not alone in wishing this.  A lot of Mamas and Papas out there have never heard their child utter a single syllable.  Some of us have heard our children speak paragraphs, only to have their speech disappear completely, as if someone stole it from them.  Today, I’m going to go out on a limb and say there are good reasons for wishing my son could speak, but there are some other reasons for being glad that he can’t.  I’m choosing to look on the bright side here.  And some of this is completely tongue-in-cheek, so please don’t berate me in the comments.  Or do.  We love getting comments. Continue reading

My Big Magical Wish

A couple of years ago, I found myself daydreaming as I am all too prone to do.  I tend to daydream when I need to escape.  On this particular day, I was battling worry over the future.  It’s a strange tightrope we modified mamas walk when considering the future.  You never want to limit your child in your expectations and hopes.  On the other hand, you have to plan and prepare for what they might need.  Oh, and then there’s the whole guarding your heart piece of the picture that floats over your head like a little rain cloud lubricating the tiny tense rope on which you dance as fast as you can just above the pit of the great unknown.  So, just for a moment, I quieted my dancing feet and dreamed up a dream; the perfect dream of the perfect future.  Today, I’m sharing it with you. Continue reading

Wishing for Peace

Some days, I wish for lots of things.  Today, I’m finding that I only have one wish.  My wish for Wishful Wednesday is to have a peaceful life.  I went to church on Sunday, after having been away from the fellowship for a couple of years.  Truthfully, I haven’t been an active church member since Jamie was a baby…about 10 years.  We found out that Jamie had a weakened immune system (sort of-he caught every cold/virus he was near) and decided skipping church was one way to keep him healthier.  While that’s true, it certainly didn’t do much for my soul. Continue reading

Wishful Wednesday: I Never Wished For This

So, I knew I had this week’s Wishful Wednesday post to do and I had decided to do something funny; something about all of the things for which I didn’t wish.  For instance, I didn’t wish for my dog to scarf down three pieces of frozen broccoli last night and proceed to fill my house with a green funk that is still burning my nose for the last 24 hours.  I didn’t wish for my sweet son to dump an entire crate of clean, mated socks into the washer full of wet clothes because the pair he wanted to wear was not in there! Seriously?  However, I couldn’t quite get passed some of the big wishes in my heart.  You see, when I went and picked up a little premie with a g-tube and clubfeet and hip dysplasia at the NICU, I didn’t wish that he’d have years and years of surgery and pain ahead of him.  I do wish, however, that some upcoming testing would give us some answers and some help for my little girl but I wish (just as hard) that those answers won’t bring very scary news with them as well. Continue reading

The Best Wish I Ever Made

This is my oldest child, my only biological child and she celebrated her 11th birthday yesterday.  I only mention her biology because it is such a big part of this Wishful Wednesday story, otherwise, it is unimportant.  In case anyone out there is adopted or is considering adoption, let me promise you, there is absolutely 0% difference in my bonding or love for any of my children–none.  However, her biology is a big piece of the picture of how my family became what it is.  That’s the story I want to share today. Continue reading