I’ve often been told I’m too much.
Too loud, too overbearing, too mean.
I tell it like it is, frequently. I don’t necessarily try to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I am too old to pussyfoot around what’s right and what’s wrong. I’m calling this my #yearoftruth and I’m not afraid to call people out on their bullshit anymore. I have spent the last few years trying to find myself and it turns out I’ve been here all along.
What I mean is that I’m now in my 40s and I’ve spent the last almost 20 years as Joel’s better half, 15 years of that as a mom. So, since I was a mear 21-year old youthling I’ve been part of this relationship with my husband and I used that as my identity. Joel’s girlfriend. Joel’s fiance. Joel’s wife. Then came Jamie. Jamie’s mom. And now Riley’s mom.
These are titles I wear proudly, but I’ve just now realized that I’m still Brandy. The Brandy I was as a kid when I was absolutely fucking fearless. I said and did things that would make most people blush. I’ve always lived life on my terms – until I became a wife and mom. I’m still mouthy. I still often say things I shouldn’t in places I shouldn’t. I am still too loud (thanks Grandma Margie for your lack-of-a-whisper gene).
I am still a wife and mom and I adore those titles. They are the best job in the entire world and I get to love those three people every day of my life! BUT. I’m going to start being the me I was born to be. The one who no longer cares if you don’t like my political leanings, or my religious beliefs, or the fact that I may raise my kids differently than you do.
I have been described as Too Much.
You know what I say about those adjectives above? That they are badges of fucking honor. They are exactly who I am and they are not negatives. They are what women who rule this world are. We are all of those things. We are not all soft and submissive and pliable. I am certainly none of those things, at least not all of the time.
There is a time and place to be bossy and a time and place for pliability. An effective woman leader can be all of these things – and all at once.
And so ladies, I say to you – if you have ever been called any of these things, own that shit. Own it for the loudmouthed, sweary, unpredictable, inflexible, emotional, high-maintenance, shrill bad bitches we are. And to those who don’t like it, you can kiss my lily white ass.