Gosh darn it, mamas, something’s gotta give around here! I’ve dipped into some sort of funk. I’m pretty sure my yoga pants rolled their eyes at me when I put them on (yet again) and didn’t do any yoga (yet again) last week. I’m not doing a very good job of taking care of myself right now. We’re eating out too much. I’m not exercising nearly enough and, frankly, I’ve let myself go.
It’s happened just like the other times. Someone gets sick. Not a tummy bug or the flu. The kind of sick that involves a billion scary ass doctor appointments and nights of research and worry. Then, two or three other things pop up and I find myself grabbing crappy food because that’s all there is time for and I’m exhausted. It doesn’t help that my son has gone slightly insane since returning to school after missing two weeks for the service dog training and then a week for spring break. We’re warring over his desire to go commando and my desire not to be mortified if he tears his pants. I cannot be convinced that he needs to party all night and then take afternoon naps. He refuses to believe that being hateful to everyone and occasionally throwing siblings to the ground is not perfectly okay. His teacher is not at all pleased that his “tall man” keeps standing up proudly in the cafeteria when the Tall Man should NEVER stand alone. (If you are unfamiliar with the tall man, look at your right hand. From left to right: Thumpkin, pointer, tall man–um, yeah, that’s him!) I’m telling you, I cannot even look at the child without hearing Ozzy Osborn wailing “Crazy Train” in the back of my head. Needless to say, it’s all freaking exhausting.
Exhaustion first attacks my eating patterns. I drink more calories for the caffeine, I cook quicker meals or pick stuff up. After eating crap, I feel like, crap so I don’t exercise. Then, I stop fixing my hair and wear way too many ponytails or messy buns that are messy because I’m being lazy and not because it’s cool. Finally, it sinks into my wardrobe because my puffy tired body feels so much better in elastic.
Everyone has a ponytail day and I am never gonna preach a sermon on the evils of a good pair of yoga pants. However, when this becomes my norm, I just don’t feel good. I don’t feel well physically or emotionally. The good news is, help is on the way. We finally got all of our stuff done for our state waiver program and I am going to get some help around here. For the first time in a long time, I am going to have a few minutes each day to exercise and I can imagine actual trips to the beauty salon for a haircut. You know, just like a real girl!!!
It won’t take too long to get back to the place I was before the downhill slide. It will take much longer to get where I want to be. However, it doesn’t take any time to start taking an interest again. I’m gonna break out the razor (or weed wacker possibly) to mow these legs. Bring on the hot wax and some nail polish. Warm up the flat iron and call out the hair products. This mama needs a new groove! I’m not waiting. I’m ready to feel better about myself right now. To this end, I went to one of my favorite online shops, ModCloth, and I bought myself a brand new dress. It’s adorable and vintage inspired–I am a true fashion geek but I have a real penchant for unique pieces that wink at the past. I cannot wait to put it on and feel like a woman.
As much as I loathe pictures of myself, I mean they are physically difficult for me to look at and can bring on bouts of self-hatred that run deep, I am posting one of me taken recently as a reminder of why I need to make this change. I promise to post more as I find my new groove. I’m asking you guys to cheer me on because I need it! Better yet, I’m hoping some of you will hop on board with me. You don’t have to promise to work out or eat great or anything. I’m just looking for ways to celebrate myself and feel better. From nail and skin tricks, to haircuts, to easy healthy recipes. Anyone in? I’m gonna make a new Pinterest board called Modified Mama’s Got a Brand New Bag. I’ll post fun stuff that I find or like and I hope you guys will tag me (Nicole DeZarn) in your posts/pins too. Don’t forget to post updates on the wall too, please, you don’t know how much we cherish it when you share with us!!!
Without further ado (but with considerable shuddering) here’s my before pic: