Fallon-esque Thank You Notes for Mom’s of KWSNs

Because I love writing and I adore Kat from “Mama Kat’s Losing It,” (link to her site below-you won’t be sorry,) I am always thrilled when one of her Writer’s Workshop prompts fits the mold for our page.  So, this week when one of the prompts was to write 10 thank you notes similar to those that Jimmy Fallon writes on his show, I thought–heck yeah, we modified mamas need to thank some folks!  

If you haven’t seen the ever hysterical “thank you notes” bit on Fallon’s show, it goes a little like this (warning: this is late night television):

Jimmy Fallon Thank You Notes

Okay, here goes! You’re welcome, fellow modified mamas, I got these ten for ya ;-)

1.  Thank you, adaptive toy companies, for selling stuff for our kids for hundreds of dollars only to mass market them for all kids a year later for $19.95.  Parents of KWSN’s already spend so much on therapy, medicine, doctors, travel to doctors and child care that we are used to being broke.  Thanks for keeping us that way!

2. Thank you, parents of kids who are neurotypical and friends without kids, for all of your valuable, non-solicited parenting advice.  We are so grateful for your depth of knowledge on our circumstances.  By all means, come on over tonight from 10:00 pm until 8:00 am and work your magic while we rest up!

3. Thank you bi-paps, feeding pumps, etc. for waking us up like one of the four horsemen from the apocalypse with your deafening screams when there is absolutely NOT ONE THING wrong.  That’s awesome, sleep is overrated.

In light of number three:

4. Thank you especially g-tube pumps, for holding your horseman howl just long enough for the bed, floor, child, pajamas, etc. to be completely saturated with formula.  Nothing like a stinky, sticky mess, load of laundry and a shower at 2:00 am to make a mama’s day!

5.  Thank you, well meaning friends and relatives, for telling us how special we are for loving our kids.  We know you are trying to be supportive, however, our kids aren’t any harder to love than your own.  And, by the way, what exactly is our alternative?

6.  Thank you, our kids with sensory processing disorders, for making every daggone’ meal your mother’s opportunity to explore a career as a short order cook.

7.  Thank you, stores everywhere, for complying with ADA standards for aisle widths and door widths in your buildings and then filling up all that space with end cap displays and stacked cans.  Who doesn’t love an obstacle course?!!!

8.  Thank you, hospitals, for making the overnight furniture for parents staying with their sick children so ultra-super-comfy.  I cannot tell you the progress I have made in my yoga just from learning to fold myself into the positions required to stay in some of these torture devices, um, I mean “beds.”  What better way to empathize with our children than to be in pain ourselves?  Heaven knows, we’ll get caught up on any lost sleep when we take our babies home for recovery!

9.  Thank you, doctor’s offices, for quickly shuffling us away from lobbies with windows, toys and enough furniture only to have us sit for hours in tiny blank rooms with nothing at all to do.  And, you’re welcome, for all of the cracker crumbs, shuffled furniture, crumpled exam table paper art and crayon marks we leave as a result.  No really, it’s our pleasure!

Finally, most of all:

10.  Thank you, doctors, for always giving us the worst case scenario and/or refusing to even guess what to expect for our children.  Without these fabulous moments, we modified mamas and our amazing kids would not know when on earth to say, “I understand, Doctor, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!” 

I realize that this post is not quite as positive as we usually try to be but I hope you take it in the way it is intended; to cast a humorous light on some of the frustrating parts of this life that we lead.  I know I’ve left out a bunch, so let’s hear your “thank you notes.”  I can’t wait!

Mama’s Losin’ It

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